Wednesday, December 08, 2004

what doesn't cause infertility?

when i was in college the big thing was that mountain dew caused a low sperm count - as if in college you wanted a high count right?
that would be like playing russian roulette and saying "hey, can i put another bullet in the gun?"
I was like the Mountain Dew king. Tastes Great. Less Impregnating.

Now that I'm married I guess the tables are turned and believe it or not low fertility is not a good thing anymore. so I was impressed to find two infertility stories right next to each other.
Just out, Use of Cell Phones reduces the number of your little buddies by a third. that's a lot of little buddies. plus the ones that do survive, are all jacked up and spastic, like their doing the African Anteater Dance at a high school prom. Something about how the phone sitting in your pocket while in standby mode.
Even more recently released, laptops are burning your buddies even faster - literally. this little bit of news has to do with how guys naturally sit - legs spread far apart. you know how girls always gripe about how much room guys take to sit down? now we have the perfect excuse. when a guy sits with his legs close together (a position that most laptop users take) this increases the scrote temp by like 2.1 degrees C but when a laptop is involved it goes up to like 2.6 on the left and 2.8 on the right.
I guess it's not a good idea to generate radio-active waves near your genitals after all. huh.
moral of this story: whenever you think you have the worst job in the world, think of the guy who has to measure scrote temperature.

right and left.

6 comments:

disgruntled world citizen said...

that ranks right up there with the guy who has to smell the arm pits of people who are test subjects for deodorant. ick.

rebekah said...

that was... more than i wanted to know about men parts.

my brother always said mountain dew just shrunk it?

i dunno.

you're funny.

superfan said...

and random...

don't forget the randomness.

Josh said...

I believe the laptop thing will not have a significant effect on the gene pool. The guys who spend that much time on the computer have never actually spoken to a female, so they were never going to reproduce anyway, no matter how fried their boys are.

Anonymous said...

well said

According to PETA, eating meat also lowers the count

disgruntled world citizen said...

in response to the above noter: meat eaters rule! bring on the steak, rare. still moving if possible.