Sunday, December 19, 2004


today is my last day at Mt Olive. I love all of you and will miss you so much. All of my friends in the austin area, we will need to keep in touch. tomorrow we move.
on a side note, I'm looking for a rocking chair to strap down to the top of the Uhaul just to make a good impression for the new neighbors. so let me know if you got the hook-up.
I think stress is really getting to alicia and i. it will be really good when we finally get settled in and everything has calmed down. we can both use some Z's.

i will be out of pocket for awhile but i will try to check in as much as possible. while i'm talking about the greatest friends in the world, Josh and Shannon, you are. thanks for helping us move. this will be the 5th time we have moved in 3 and half years and i think you have been helping for each one. clim and pete, maybe next time.

Friday, December 17, 2004

Miracle Birth

this has grabbed my by the throat and it is amazing but they found the baby cut from it's mother's womb alive.
to put this in perspective, if the baby had been cut out of this mother with intent to end the babies life, if they had permission from mom everything would have been perfectly legal.
Maybe it's not right to talk about that when there is such a horrible tragedy of this mom losing her life. but everyday babies are losing their lives and because it's sterile and in a doctor's office, it's all A-OK.
I say miracle birth because it is amazing that this baby lived through this ordeal and because every baby and every human is a miracle of life. As I rejoice and wonder over this miracle birth and grieved by the brutal death of a mom, i am also disgusted by the many deaths that take place because other babies are unwanted. What a horrible reason to take a life. Revenge, Anger, Profit, Jealousy, Lust, Rage, any other reason you can think of is not as bad as making a decision to end a life because of inconvenience. How cold and uncaring. How selfish.

And even then, I know there is forgiveness even for this act. And i know how many young people, teenagers even, face the scariest decision and they cannot fathom what to do. I also know all to well that I am no better than someone that would do that. But all of those things do not take away from the injustice of Abortion. In the Old Testament, people would pass their children through the flame. They were sacrificing their children to Molech by placing their babies in an Idol/Altar to be burned alive. They did this so that they could have a plentiful harvest. Money. that's what it boils down to. It really ticked God off. It broke his heart. What is the difference between Passing Your Children Through the Flame and Having a Procedure to Get Rid of A Problem? Don't you think the OT people had their reasoning that made it ok? Doesn't the thought of those poor babies burning alive make you disgusted?
Where is your disgust at The Procedure? It probably wasn't PC to criticize the whole Molech thing either. Don't many abortions revolve around money also, Money for the doctors, Money that would be lost if the baby was carried to full term.
You have money, you have status. Isn't abortion also about status? status with your family. status with your friends. not the status you gain by having an abortion, but the status you would have lost otherwise.
People have said it's okay because whatever is inside of the "mom" isn't a human yet. I;m not going to get into the arguement of yes or no. but only ask this question of someone considering THE PROCEDURE, are you willing to risk murder if your'e wrong.

this may be harsh and insensitive. but get over yourself. it's not about you. life is not about you. the world is not all about you. there is right and wrong in this world and your feelings don't change that fact.

Let Him Roll

It was white port that put that look in his eye,
Grown men get when they need to cry.
We sat down on the curb to rest,
And his head just fell down on his chest.

He says: "Every single day it gets,
"Just a little bit harder to handle and yet. . ."
-Guy Clark

I've been walking around today with that look in my eye. Maybe it was staying up too late talking with friends or maybe it is leaving on Monday. I don't know. but there is that hollow feeling I have that makes me nervous, apathetic and lonely.
People ask about the move and they get the RIGHT answer. "Oh we're real blessed to have such great jobs and it's really neat to be moving into a house. It's amazing the way things all fall into place" but sometimes you just get worried. What if everything falls apart. what if Sugarland is a disaster and we hate our jobs or if i'm horrible at everything.
I think when i was in the midst of studying for all of the exams, there wasn't time to contemplate or worry and i was so relient on God that it kept me close to him. but now i have time to think and the ability to take control back and like usual it gets harder to handle. I am looking for the "and yet". the bridge back to faith and reassurance but I don't know that I really want it. It seems so often that the bridge comes with a condition attached to it. that God wants "this" in exchange for "that". I don't know what the "this" is. It's easier when you are involved in some overt sin rather than just drifting away from closeness. well, it's not really easier but it is definitely more apparent, easier to see what you are supposed to do to get things right. for the semanarians reading, i know that "we" do not make things right but that God has made things right... and maybe that is truly important, more than just a get your doctrine straight importance. maybe it is important to me, right now, that God has made things right. that even though He carried me through all of those horrid exams and I promptly went from reliance to disinterest, that Christ follows me.
that he pursues me. even knew that I would do that and still helped me. that he loves me just as much now as when he was so available during those "reliant" times.

why do we act like this whole Faith thing is easy? we are always quick to act like we have it figured out. Always quick to pretend that we have it all together and that if you don't have it all together that you are weak in your faith. I think that part of having faith like a child is believing in a God that you haven't figured out. nobody understands less and asks more questions than a little kid and the leaders in the church today show little of this, I am including pastors, youth workers and myself in this. When was the last time you heard a spiritual leader truly confess and repent? what pride and arrogance we have developed that makes a bumper sticker "christians aren't perfect just forgiven" necessary? why is that sticker necessary, because our actions as a church show the opposite. our attitudes reflect a holy Christian not a crucified Christ and i am just as guilty of it. I am still wrestling with this move and I am scared of losing the friendships that i have with fellow youth workers and it sucks leaving students. I am going to miss lunches at Gattis and slushes at Sonic. I have tried to steel myself against that and in a way tried to block out those feelings but I can't do that and don't want to.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Conservative Christmas

courtesy of Evil Conservatives Industries...
first get the tune of "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" in your head

So this is Christmas

Conservatives cry
Cause children are happy
And we want them to die

War mongering Christmas
We all had some fun
Bombing all the A-rabs
And starving their young

Conservative Christmas
Drive my SUV
Right over the homeless
Speed bump them with glee

Conservative Christmas
What a happy day
‘Cause we just stole 4 million
From your 401k’s

An intolerant Christmas
On the colored we spit
And beat them for crimes that
They did not commit

Conservative Christmas
Have a happy new year
Unless you’re a red man
Black, yellow or queer

There’s a new Christmas anthem
On this holiday
For all those who hate us
No matter what we say

A Conservative Christmas
Have a great holiday
Unless of course you’re a liberal
Or a conservative gay

A Conservative Christmas
And a write off next year
Pray for a bull market
And go kill a deer

We’re war mongers
Love no longer
White race stronger
Blah Blah Blah Blahhhhh

listening to this driving down Mopac, almost wet my pants and wrecked the car. fortunately i had an extra pair of pants in the trunk. So here's to more kids dying and a bull market...Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

sitting on your blogs

hated to kick ya off the links clim, pedro and joe but no show... no dough. If i see posts in the future i will link back but until then consider yourself served. I'm in a ghetto mood cuz I got my pimp name: Reverend Maroney Large. so you tricks who don't post new stuff beware.
I started this off with a 3 amigos reference that i would like to pick up on before i start jawin or sellin woof tickets - ok i'm done with that -
3 amigos... vhs... renting a vcr... air popped popcorn with real butter... going to McDonalds was a special once a month treat, and you didn't even get a happy meal or an ice cream cone... large drinks were 20 ounces... free refills in your squirt bottles at Stop and Go that were worth the extra 10 minutes to walk past the Shamrock station... riding in my dad's 65 Chevy stepside that was green and primer red, with an urban assault vehicle on the bumper and CCR in the 8 track... spending May through August in cut-offs without shoes or shirt except for sunday when shoes were required... dipping your cookies into your punch at VBS and getting a candy taped to your artwork instead of some $4 toy that they give away now... singing to Willie Nelson, Kenny Rogers, The Cars, Chicago, and Jimmy Buffet Records with my sister to our whole family for their holiday entertainment... my grandma Happy's Mr. and Mrs. Clause that have red hair painted to look like them... that fiber glass angel hair that you shouldn't eat... Nighty-Nights... Christmas Eve services followed by a raucous time at the Garza's... Hot chocolate and breakfast casserole... not getting lottery Scratch Off Tickets in my Christmas stocking
I'm dreaming of a White (trash) Christmas
and i was in a "..." kind of mood

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

What Message do we send?

sharp sign
Originally uploaded by Texas Cooking.
What is the most important thing we can share with the world? and WHEN we warn people about SIN does it come off as SIN is SHARP and will cut you or that the bridge is out up ahead of you. when WE do THIS, I think people do see CHRISTIANS as the painful (SHARP SIGN) ones and if they avoid us, they can avoid GUILT.

free at last

I am finally done with my tests! passed the series 66 yesterday and it is a brand new day! got a lot of things settled with my new job, the when's, the where's and the how much's. definitely a load off my mind. Malin and ALicia have been great throughout this thing and I know a ton of people have been praying for me! I do feel bad for my wilf.
(my papa -pronounced pawpaw- would always write his cards to Happy (g-ma) "to my wonderful wilf"...still not sure why...but the family grew to expect it every Christmas. till one year he actually spelled it right and everybody was ticked. also, why is it that old people always have to read every card out loud? not just the Hallmark stuff either, the real personal junk that you just want them to hear. maybe it goes back to not having tv. you know, the whole family gathered around the radio listening to FDR give his firesides... or maybe they just don't get that much attention so they have to soak it in when they have it. but i digress)
My wilf has had to pack up all our junk -and I do mean junk- and do all the cleaning and taking care of Malin while getting things set up in Sugarland, did I mention having to put up with me while I have been studying? I have not been the happiest camper these 3 weeks. all this while not complaining. Who does all this? I think I married some kind of fembot. what else would explain how she puts up with me? I know this is too common of a theme, but seriously how and why she does it, I'll never know. Maybe she plans on killing me with the poison gas or the whole machine gun thing...

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

what doesn't cause infertility?

when i was in college the big thing was that mountain dew caused a low sperm count - as if in college you wanted a high count right?
that would be like playing russian roulette and saying "hey, can i put another bullet in the gun?"
I was like the Mountain Dew king. Tastes Great. Less Impregnating.

Now that I'm married I guess the tables are turned and believe it or not low fertility is not a good thing anymore. so I was impressed to find two infertility stories right next to each other.
Just out, Use of Cell Phones reduces the number of your little buddies by a third. that's a lot of little buddies. plus the ones that do survive, are all jacked up and spastic, like their doing the African Anteater Dance at a high school prom. Something about how the phone sitting in your pocket while in standby mode.
Even more recently released, laptops are burning your buddies even faster - literally. this little bit of news has to do with how guys naturally sit - legs spread far apart. you know how girls always gripe about how much room guys take to sit down? now we have the perfect excuse. when a guy sits with his legs close together (a position that most laptop users take) this increases the scrote temp by like 2.1 degrees C but when a laptop is involved it goes up to like 2.6 on the left and 2.8 on the right.
I guess it's not a good idea to generate radio-active waves near your genitals after all. huh.
moral of this story: whenever you think you have the worst job in the world, think of the guy who has to measure scrote temperature.

right and left.

pizzle the tizzle

2 down. took the series 7 test yesterday and that thing was a monster. it was 6 hourse long not counting a lunch break.
packed 85 hours of studying into 1 week.
who knew that getting certified to sell stocks and bonds would be so difficult? i'm sitting here now with a migraine. not your usual run of the mill ones either. like having cold shakes and vomit kind of migraine. don't want to go home because i only have this week and the next at mt. olive and i've been taking vacation days to study...

i needed to say though that this testing experience has been one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. definitely the most spiritual/non-spiritual environment experience. i have had to so totally rely on God (not like oh i want to grow in my faith kinda thing but dear Lord there's just no way without you)
there's been times when i am ready to give up and this peace comes over me and i know i can continue. my greatest spiritual break-through moment in 10 years happened in an IHOP bathroom when i realized that God really does want to use His strength to help me and that if he is willing to forgive ME and even put up with me in heaven for eternity - then what else does he want to do in my life? He is answering all kinds of crazy prayers just to show me that He is there. ALicia had a dream that Malin relayed to me that angels were going to help me during the test and as i sat down to take the group 1 there was a poster of angels right above where i wa sitting. in this completely secular environment. we couldn't afford to buy the last book and thought we were going to have to borrow the money, instead a friend had just taken the test and lent it to me yesterday.

all kind of other things that i am in too much pain to mention (head throbbing) but i couldn't not say this. thank you God. forgive for not taking more chances trusting in you to hold me up.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Potatoes, Priests and Eric Clapton

there is an amazing testimony of God's mercy in the midst of struggles on Andrew Jones' blog - Tall Skinny Kiwi
His brother and dad died within a week of each other and he is in Australia for the funeral with his family. I could not read it without being touched by the Holy Spirit and tears rolling down my face. if you haven't checked out his blog, you need to. if nothing else, please pray for andrew and his family in their grief