forks up

I have seriously been out lately.

One of those weeks when you have that pressure behind your eyes like you're going to cry but you don't feel like crying and don't know if you could cry if you wanted to. that sounds really sissy, but it's that itchy eyed, dragging tail going through the motions thing that i hate. but find myself here more often than not it seems.

life was simpler as a teenager. everything was huge. a huge problem or a huge success. nothing was boring or mundane. life wasn't great then but it wasn't so darn long.

I'm ready to not be in transition anymore. I'm ready to be settled in and stick to one place for a while. one set of friends. one job. one church. one school for stinkbug.

So this is one big contradiction. tired of the mundane but hating so much change. I need someone to sift out my feelings like one of those mechanical kitty-litter boxes (you know those ones on the infomercials where the sensor notices when the cat gets in and out and the big "fork" comes and scoots all the poo-nuggets into a poo-bag) well, I need that big fork to comb through my brain and get rid of all the crap that is confusing and weighing me down.