Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Cereal Milk

Texas Hall. Seated around square cafeteria tables was Troy and myself. We sat long after everyone had eaten and left. It was a rare day that we didn't make it to the Duval Study Hall, on 32nd and Duval. I pulled up to my rice krispies and grabbed my plastic glass of milk when I was struck by a moment of enlightenment. Reaching beyond my own creativity, I grabbed the sugar packets and poured them into my glass of milk. With a feverish intensity, I stirred the milk until not even the finest grain of sugar remained. And then, like the first drops of sunlight hit a dew soaked meadow, the cereal milk splashed around the puffed rice.
Never before had cereal tasted so good and never again will I experience such a tongue-asm. Troy and I sat and planned out our marketing strategy.
First, we test market around Austin in college cafeterias and high school and middle schools. Then we find a wholesaler to flood the local groceries with (Sweetened Just for) Cereal Milk. Imagine, not having to spill sugar all over the place as you prepare your morning meal. Imagine a perfectly mixed sugar and milk in every bite.

Second, we introduce Semi-Sweet and Super-Sweet Cereal Milk for the discerning type.

Third, Cereal Milk. It's not just for Cereal anymore. individual portions to make all our fat American kids just a little bit fatter.

Fourth, we partner with a Cereal producer to develop flavors such as Cocoa Krispy, Lucky Charms, Trix and Reeces Cereal Milk. With this final coup de gras we achieve long term branding and households and dorm rooms all over America sucking down the two greatest blessings from God: Sugar and Milk.

But it's not over. What about those poor people who need that pick me up in the morning but due to genetic disorders, can't stand the taste of coffee. What about those poor people? Who cares about them? Cereal Milk does. Because you can get it caffinated.

Why am I not a millionare?


disgruntled world citizen said...

i'm surprised you're not dead... eating in Texas Hall. Lol. i still have nightmares and a few twitches because of that place.

microprone said...

Yeah, I gained 80 lbs eating in Texas Hall. But I am losin it now...10 lbs this last week alone. But if you bust out Cereal Milk, I feel a couple of those pounds making their way back!

Brandon said...

They're calling it the next Starbucks-type craze.

Sherrah said...

It's pure brilliance. Why AREN'T you a millionaire??? :-)

Josh said...

Make sure you don't publish the recipe here before you patent it.

Visited the Duval Study Hall during my swing through Austin last week. It hasn't changed a bit, still crazy busy during the lunch rush. I don't know whether or not they still have the best Shiner Bock in Austin.

I still remember the half-priced pizza rolls at Double Dave's Pizzaworks on Thursday Nights. Those were good times, hanging out with the guys.

Also, a friendly reminder that Double Dave's originated in College Station.

Anonymous said...

My friend just told me that he patented the idea of CEREAL MILK. He paid $10,000 for the patent and a this marketing company is shopping around for production and distribution. Next time you have an idea go after it, because it looks like someone else is gonna get to be the millionaire.
Alas, it seems that it wasn't so sweet after all.